“The Lucky One”. Not just a Taylor Swift song, or a Nicholas Sparks movie, but how I feel about myself, finally.
I think everyone pities themselves from time to time. Asking God or whoever they turn to in times of need, “Why me?”. I have been guilty of asking this question more times than I can count. But, it was only until very recently that I have truly realized life isn’t a villain out to get me.
Of course I have personal demons, who doesn’t have something that has or still does affect them? I spent my whole life pretending to be this happy, bubbly person in public. But, when I would come home I would be absolutely miserable. I have struggled with Anxiety, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and Depression for years. My problems mostly triggered when my parents separated when I was twelve, but my OCD had been going on for years before. To explain to someone in a nutshell what those three disorders feel like on a daily basis; you feel a constant need to be in control- control of your emotions, your belongings, your body, your life in general. But, at the same time it is impossible to be in control of the people around you, which is absolutely frustrating.
I hate to say I am a “victim of circumstance”. However, truth be told, I didn’t have an ideal childhood. As I write this, I remember how when I was a child I literally believed everyone else around me, friends from school, had the “perfect” families. I now know that that isn’t true whatsoever. There really is no such thing as perfect (the one thing my OCD pushes for the most). And, even though I had a childhood surrounded by alcohol and substance abuse, physical and emotional abuse. I was ultimately lucky. I am lucky I didn’t turn out to be an alcoholic or drug addict. Heck, I don’t even smoke! I was lucky to have a mom who gave us children all her love, and was there for us and protected us from what she could. I could go on about my childhood, but instead I will move on from that because there’s no point dwelling in the past.
I was moved to write this because lately I’ve been living my life, and seeing young people lose their lives way to soon. There were three lives lost just between 2007-2010 alone, of individuals I went to school with. Now it seems I see a death posted of a son, daughter, mother or father of someone every week. Young people losing their lives, not getting to experience college, career, love, marriage, children, old age. Young people diagnosed with cancer. The ugly C-word that is it. It all seems so unfair, and I feel so sad for everyone having to deal with it.
But, then I look at these people. They are dealing with loss, or a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness, and are they crying and self-pitying themselves? No, they are laughing, smiling, living everyday like it’s their last, because, well, it very well could be. I see these individuals who have dealt with so much, and although I don’t doubt they had times were they asked, “Why me?”, they don’t dwell on that, they move on.
My definition of lucky isn’t to do with winning the lottery or waking up everyday looking like you stepped out of a magazine. Being lucky is waking up everyday and being alive. Having another day to be with the people you love. It doesn’t matter what your life was or what circumstances you are in. It’s making the best of your situation and realizing all the little things in life you do have.
I see miracles in my life everyday, and I am the Lucky One.
– Lacy Love
My Saturday was spent watching another show I am currently hooked on HBO’s Girls, which if any potential readers are unfamiliar, the show centres around four twenty-something girls living in New York City and trying to “find themselves”. Apparently, finding yourself means quitting multiple jobs and having lots of sex with random men. I do however find it fascinating to watch, it could be that it is a less fashionable and younger version of Sex and the City, which I also am a huge fan of.
At the same time that I was enjoying the completely inappropriate content of the show, I was somewhat multi-tasking on the wedding reception venue search. I am in fact getting married on October 18th, 2014 in Niagara Falls, Canada. My fiance and I decided to have a small ceremony of just immediate family and a couple of friends, and then a bigger reception the weekend after. This was supposed to “decrease the stress” that surrounds huge weddings, but has just added more stress considering it is now two weekends everything needs to be PERFECT!
Ah perfection, the thing I have been striving for my whole life. Also, the one thing I will never obtain. Being in a relationship is hard enough when you’re a proclaimed perfectionist, but planning a wedding?! It literally makes it ten times harder! Although, the wedding is a year and a half away, I am worrying freak! Thinking about money, family, school, decisions, decisions…and more decisions.
Speaking of decisions, my fiance and I have a reception venue to check out tomorrow morning. A venue he has already written off, which means it’s sure to be just fantastic…
So, I guess this is it my first blog post ever. Hope whoever comes across it enjoys it!
– Lacy Love